Your Daily Tom Waits Voice Description, Part Two-Dollar Pistol

A voice that could guide ships through dense fog

Your Daily Tom Waits Voice Description

As you can see in the sidebar I'm reading a book about Tom Waits. It's a collection of magazine articles and interviews from every period of his career up to and including his last album, Real Gone. I've really enjoyed it so far and Tom Waits says some really crazy things to the journalists covering him. It got me thinking about reading Dylan's Chronicles Volume One and the strange things he had to say. Dylan's weird recollections were so charming (to me) that I kept track of the best examples and posted one per day last January. Well, Tom's ramblings to journalists are definitely fun but even more fun is to read the descriptions of his voice. So today I will start giving you a quick description of Tom Waits's voice that I have read in the book:

A theatrical voice, a cross between mellifluous baritone

and heavy-equipment breakdown

Chucking Junkin'

First of all let me say how wonderful it is that baseball is back. Spring training has begun and the new World Baseball Classic begins in days. I don’t know how interesting the WBC will be but it will be baseball so I welcome it and hope it is successful. From the Braves perspective Chipper Jones and Jeff Francoeur are playing for the United States; Jorge Sosa is playing for the Dominican Republic; Andruw Jones will play for the Netherlands; and Pete Orr, Chris Reitsma, and Scott Thorman will play for Canada.

With all of the success experienced by last year’s rookie Braves I look forward to the new season and watching them develop further. It’ll be an exciting year as usual especially considering how the Mets have improved their team. John Smoltz says the Mets are the better team on paper. I think with the questionable Mets pitching, the two teams are about equal but we have 162 games to settle that.





Now in sadder Braves-related news…

It looks like Fox is buying Turner South from Time Warner. This has ten kinds of bad written all over it. When TBS started decreasing the number of Braves games they carried (at first by force and then by choice) Sports South picked up the slack. It was cool to begin with because Ernie Johnson was in the booth. Then Fox bought it and it became Fox Sports South. Thankfully they only got one game per week. Somewhere in all that there were rules put in place that limited the number of games a national network could carry of one team. Along comes Turner South. Turner South has been carrying more and more Braves games the past few years as TBS has turned itself into Syndication Sitcom City. This has never been a problem for me because our cable provider carries Turner South and the TBS announcers did the Turner South games as well. Also, the video quality didn't decrease like it does on Fox Sports South (which I guess is just considered Fox Sports Net now).

The point is that I don't like the idea of Fox buying Turner South. First off, the original programming will probably disappear completely. This means no more Three Day Weekend, no more Live From the Bluebird Café, no more Liars & Legends, and, tragically, no more Junkin’. I love Junkin’. I don’t think I’ve seen better rain-delay programming since TBS used to show All in the Family reruns. But those days are gone on TBS (what the hell is up with those car chase shows – yuck) and it looks like the Junkin’ days are over too because Turner South is not a profitable network as it is currently. It has been a very nice tribute to living in the south…well, with the exception of The Rick & Bubba Show and Yokel. But Fox isn’t going to care about keeping a cable channel intact that is bleeding red ink just because it’s a pleasant tribute to the slow-paced yet culturally-rich southeastern United States. My only hope is that maybe the other niche cable channels will pick up some of the programming. Most of the original Turner South programs seemed perfect for Home & Garden, The Travel Channel, and Food Network. One of the smaller music channels would be a nice fit for Live From the Bluebird Café and the yet-to-air Music Road. I don’t know where Junkin’ and Liars & Legends would fit but surely there’s a home some where. It just won’t be on Turner South anymore because there probably will be no more Turner South.

It seems that Fox has plans to turn the channel into an all Atlanta sports network. I don’t hate that idea. But it looks like the trend in baseball is for a team to have their own network. It has been very profitable for the Yankees and the Mets are starting their network this season. I was hoping that the eventual buyer of the Braves would have an all-Braves network as a high priority. But Fox having an Atlanta sports network that carries 80 Braves games a year would be a huge obstacle, not to mention the horrid idea of hearing Bob Rathburn and Tom Paciorek calling all those games for Fox. Maybe that fear is just unwarranted because sports announcers seem to hop around from network to network depending on whoever has the best deal with their team or sport at the time. If a Fox-owned network had a majority of Braves games all of a sudden, it wouldn’t be unreasonable for something to be worked out where Fox used the announcers that most Braves fans preferred. Of course it is Fox. Their blind arrogance is only topped by the administration which its news division fellates 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I could just as easily see them sticking with their own guys. Furthermore I could see more and more Braves games being picked up for the national Saturday game that’s on the main Fox channel. That certainly would be a good way to promote a team of which you have a financial interest in their success and ratings.

Fox already owns a southern sports network though, so their Turner South acquisition (which comes complete with the channel’s Braves, Thrashers, and Hawks deals) is primarily just a way of eliminating their competition. Regardless it doesn’t bode well for the quality programming of Turner South or the future quality of Braves broadcasts. Here’s hoping for the best for the Braves organization, the Braves fans, the Braves announcers, Val and Dave.

Brokeback Mountain

Is it something so good just can't function no more?

I have been torn on what to say about Brokeback Mountain because I know some of you intend to see the movie but haven’t had the chance yet. Also, I’ve been debating whether to just review it as a film or talk about it from a social/political angle. And should I include personal information relative to the movie? And should I talk about the upcoming Oscar race? And is it time I started using a new shampoo? As you can see I’ve really been torn.

You should be able to tell it’s a good movie already just from the rambling first paragraph. After all, any thing that has me considering kicking Panteen Pro-V to the curb has got to have some sort of appeal, right? Okay, that’s enough shampoo jokes. The movie had nothing to do with my hair care decisions. I’m just nervous because I don’t want to do this movie any disservice with sloppy writing even though it’s only going to be read by a handful of people. The movie is just that good.

I didn’t read any full-on movie reviews before seeing the movie but I did read some political editorials and other random blurbs about its supposed social implications. It would have been impossible for me or anyone else who even slightly pays attention to popular culture to go into it without knowing it as the “gay cowboy movie.” Whether that sound-bite sized description was gathered from late night talk show jokes, the aforementioned editorials, or just reading the headlines at your favorite daily websites; that’s how most people refer to the movie because that’s how they first heard the movie described. That three-word sketch of the movie coupled with the editorials from people who have no interest in “Brokeback” as an actual movie is what had me going into the movie with reservations as to whether the movie had an agenda and whether it was just pretty boys playing gay in an effort to win some awards and show their range. I was thinking too much and I should have simply been looking forward to the next Ang Lee movie.





It didn’t take me long to shake those preconceived notions though. The movie has everything working for it: the pace, the performances, the visuals, everything. It is stunning. Perhaps the most amazing thing about the movie is its economy. There isn’t a wasted shot. There isn’t a wasted word. There isn’t even a wasted glance between any of the characters. Each and every move says more and expresses more than you can see in a hundred movies.

That’s where my review is going to end because if you want to know plot points or if you want to know which scenes are especially powerful or who gives the best performance, you can read a quick review. If you want to know why a two hour movie with so much silence and so many shots of rivers and mountainsides can be praised for not being wasteful, you can read a longer and more thoughtful review. If you want to be misguided into thinking the movie has an agenda and that it’s just another liberal tool to push gay marriage on mainstream America, you can read some political or religious commentary.

I’m using this post to convey how powerful the movie was for me and to let you know that if you just read the headlines and commentaries you are cheating yourself from seeing a movie that transcends schemes and politics because Brokeback Mountain is not a gay cowboy movie, although there are gay cowboys in the movie. Brokeback Mountain is not a romantic love story, although there are some romantic elements, and, at its core, the movie is certainly about love. More to the point, it's about the inability to express love. It’s about being in love without being able to fully enjoy it because of a lack of security or even the knowledge that it truly is love in the first place and what’s more recognizable than that? That issue isn’t gay or straight, it’s human.

Simply put Brokeback Mountain is a great movie.

The Dick Cheney Invitational

With the Vice President shooting a hunting pal in the face and the Winter Olympics happening at the same time, I think it's time to revisit this sketch from the first season of Saturday Night Live.

Imagine it...

Commentator 1: Bode Miller has become notorious for his boastful and controversial comments to the press but he is really flying here today.

[Bode Miller falls mid-run after the sound of a gun shot]

Commentator 2: Oh goodness! That's gotta hurt. I certainly hope he wasn’t drunk.

Commentator 1: No. I don’t think so. It looks like he’s been accidentally shot in the face by Vice President, Dick Cheney.

Commentator 2: You really hate to see that happen.

A few quick things…

First some items related to yesterday’s Super Bowl post:
Thanks to Jon for either finding the words to the Fruity Pebbles commercial or for having a super strong memory that holds on to the important things in life. I appreciate it, Jon.

I didn’t mention that the Super Bowl really isn’t the last game of the NFL season. There is that one game after the Super Bowl that is held in Hawaii. I think it’s called the Let’s Make Peyton Manning Feel Better About Himself Bowl. Sure some people call it the Pro Bowl and yet still more people call it unnecessary.

The ratings are in for the Super Bowl and a heapin’ helpin’ of people tuned in…on average. Jim Caple wrote a good article about NFL myths a while back. It includes some talk about Super Bowl ratings hyperbole.


Secondly, here’s some links:
Popmatters reviews the new Minus 5 album that I have really enjoyed.

Pitchfork reviews a recent Colin Meloy solo show.

McSweeney’s offers up Jack Bauer's Friendster Profile.

And popmatters also reviews the new album from Jenny Lewis. I haven't been crazy about her band Rilo Kiley, but I've heard some songs from this solo album and really, really like them. If anybody gets to hear this album, let me know what you think.


And lastly, Amy and I saw Brokeback Mountain this past weekend and I am working on a post about the movie. Hopefully I'll finish it and put it up tomorrow.

Every Year I Love You Less and Less

I’m a baseball guy. No surprise there but every year I like football more and more. My love of baseball doesn’t diminish but each year I get a little more attached to football. There’s never been a time that I hated football but I never consistently planned my Sundays around it. I did this past season though. I watched every Falcons game and, for the first time ever, a lot of non-Falcons games as well. I watched every minute of each playoff game too…until last night. You see, as my love of football grows, so does my hatred of the Super Bowl.

There are a lot of reasons to hate the Super Bowl. I guess my reasons are not unique but that won’t stop me from outlining them for you today.

1. The commercials. There are very few legitimate excuses for tuning into the Super Bowl just to watch commercials. I’ll accept it if you are in the advertising bidness or maybe if you have rigged some Clark Howard-esque deal where you get paid to watch commercials. That’s really it though. Why would you willingly watch commercials especially if the vast majority of those commercials will be for beer? The last time I genuinely thought a commercial was clever and looked forward to seeing it was when they’d air the Christmas version of the Fruity Pebbles commercial where Barney dresses up as Santa in an effort to steal Fred’s Fruity Pebbles. It was the song I was particularly fond of. (Seasons greetings in our souls / Yummy Fruity Pebbles in our bowls / Ho Ho Ho, I’m so Hu-hu-hungry) And I think the last time I saw that commercial is when I was 10. Ever since then I’ve been in a begrudging relationship with commercials. They’re there and I understand why they are there. Occasionally they might induce a chuckle, but for the most part they are bathroom breaks and, more recently, reasons to hit the fast-forward button three times on the TiVo remote.

2. The spectacle. There is absolutely nothing charming about Media Day(s) which is the football equivalent of Spin Alley. Each year they produce the same cliché-ridden articles full of the same boring pronouncements from the players. There is nothing charming about players guaranteeing a win for their team. Yawn. I also can’t stand the fact that you can tell that something is up even when you aren’t thinking about the game. The grocery stores put there chips and sodas in huge displays. The electronic stores advertise TVs that are larger than a bay window. The Super Bowl is not a holiday! (But try telling that to the NFL.) I guess this is how it feels for Jehovah’s Witnesses walking through endless Valentine/Halloween/Christmas displays anytime they just want to buy some bread and bug the cashier with talk about 1914.

3. The two week wait. That two week wait between the conference championships and the Super Bowl are a killer. It gives me time to think about the fact that the season is over and that Sundays will not be Sundays again until the fall. (I’m lucky I love baseball. Football die-hards must have serious withdrawals.) I end up thinking about how I could care less who wins the big game and about the horrible odds that it’ll actually be an interesting game worth all of the hoopla. You see, each week of the football playoffs gives us diminishing chances of seeing a great game. By the time it gets down to those last two teams, if one of them isn’t “my team” I really can’t get excited. I’m not saying it’s always bad. Sometimes they are really good games, but even the good games aren’t worth the hype…you know, until the Falcons make it back. Even when the Falcons were in the Super Bowl I hated the two week wait. It was torture. I just wanted to see the game. I’m sure there is far too much money made in that extra week for anything to change but it is the single worse thing about the Super Bowl. I’d be a lot more tolerant of the NFL-manufactured excitement and talk of commercials if they’d just cut out that extra week.

There it is. I think the Super Bowl sucks and yesterday did nothing to change my mind. It was a boring game full of bad calls by the refs and by the teams as well. It seems the consensus with sports journalists is that this year will be remembered for the bad calls by the refs. Wow. And this is the crappy game we treat as the second-coming each year? I wouldn’t be so upset if the playoffs leading up to the big game were bad too, but they always outshine the Super Bowl, this year being no exception. The excess attention is just misguided. The NFL is right to ride the game into the ground though. It’s smart business. If I were in their shoes, I’d do the same thing. I just wonder when the people throwing parties and buying TVs are going to catch on that they are celebrating football mediocrity. As Dr. Phil would say, “You can shit in a waffle cone but that don’t make it chocolate ice cream.” Okay. Dr. Phil didn’t say that…but he should.